is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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