You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
