Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
dude. I can hear the air.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
