giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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