he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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