new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
