Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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