My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
