every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
