Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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