I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
