My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
