wrigley field is MILF paradise
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
