Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
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Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code