your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you win again, gameday.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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