my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies