I'm in love with you.
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?