i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again