i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
