He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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