got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
