when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want her autograph on my taint
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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