That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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