In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
