dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Your cock deserves a montage
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
