I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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