you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
