I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
