Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
