shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
