There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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