at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
