So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
