I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
