The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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