proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
