ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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