OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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