It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
