I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
