sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
