so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
