I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
