I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
