Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
