Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
