yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
