is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
