he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
