I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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You. Win. At. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize