girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
