Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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