this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
