I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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