Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
