i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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