This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
