Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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