Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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