I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
