I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
